Mr. Hyper Active

I have so many stories to tell, it's hard to decide which one should be next! This is going to be another Internet date but I'm pretty sure it's my last one to tell....at least for now.

Mr. Hyper Active was a BIG-o-BOY. I'm glad I'm giving these guys nicknames because I couldn't tell you what he liked to be called to save my life. I wasn't really into this dude much but I felt sorry for him. I was at a party one New Year's Eve when he text and asked what I was doing. I didn't have a date and it was a family party but when he said he was at some bar by himself, I felt bad. So, my dumb self invites him over. Have you ever met a one-upper? These types of people make me so angry. No matter what you say or what story you tell, they have one bigger and better than yours. He was a one-upper. And after 10 Min's I was tired of hearing him talk about himself. My poor family listened politely but I definitely felt the sideways glances. This boy was about 6'4" and 275 lbs. I just looked up his profile so I was correct. Ladies, when a guy says this: "I am a military/intelligence service veteran, 27yr old, 6'4, 275pnd blue-eyed mixed martial artist and "Heavy Metal Cowboy"(yeah, theres a story to that) lookn for a badass LADY!!! Tired of being that bad boy, though I was real good at it. I'm still a gentleman but I'm also Big, Loud, Crazy, and Fun. I can get a little rowdy sometimes, but I fix up well!!!" - BELIEVE HIM!! Imagine this HUGE dude chasing around your 4 year old. Holy Hannah. He was in between people's legs, running, crawling, chasing her around. She loved it. He was a big kid. But I wanted to die from embarrassment of bringing this dude around my family. It's one thing to play with her. It's another to not stop after I say "she needs to calm down and go to bed". He was throwing her up in the air..and there's not much room to go when you're in a crowded living room and you're already 6'4"! This continued for HOURS. And the party ends and guess who won't go home. EVERYONE...E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E was gone and this dude is still here chasing my kid. My mother was about to have a heart attack. My brother said well, it's about time for you to go, dontcha think? And he still stuck around. When you are that big, and SO LOUD, and you're meeting people for the first time...don't chase a lil girl through people's legs. You're 27 years old!

WHO DOES THAT?!

Mr. Stalker

So these last few blogs have been funny and light hearted but now I'm gonna break it down for you and get real. If you don't wanna hear a real story about a date that turned tragic..pass on over this one and I'll get a light hearted one up next go around. I just have to get this one out.

WARNING: SAD, YET TRUE!

I was working as a waitress while going to school full time. Met a guy at work that we'll call Mr. Stalker. He was cute. Heard a lot of bad about him. I was trying to over look it. I heard more that I really should have listened to. LADIES!! LISTEN TO THE WARNINGS! I don't even know where to begin so I'll start at the date from hell. I went out to a local bar with a girl from work. He found out I was there and wanted to surprise me. He came in, kissed the other girl on the cheek, and just sat down next to me. Um, no. So I got up and went to say hi to a guy I went to high school with. Then Stalker came over and whispered in my ear that he was too pretty for me to be talking to. I laughed and talked longer just because he said I shouldn't. He was pretty. He's GORGEOUS. But we've always just been friends. I go back and sit down and Stalker goes to grab his beer that was on the bar in front of me. He, on purpose, spills it down my back. I was so mad. I turned and slapped him and he grabbed my wrists and gave me the look of Satan. I told him I knew too many people in there and he better let go. He was kicked out and everyone made sure I was OK. And I was. He was drunk and he was gone and I was fine. This story could be so long so I'm going to take a few short cuts here and there. I end up at some guy friends house and he shows up. He is immediately kicked out. The girl I was with asked me to take her home so I do. He drives by. The guys see this and rush out to make sure we're okay. I hop out and say I'm fine and the next thing I know I'm being pushed into the street because he has his truck in full force jumping the curb into the yard we were in. He flies down the street, U-turns like no body's business and comes back for me. I'm standing in the back of my car just looking at him and he swerves and misses last minute. I go BACK to the yard where the guys are and ask someone to call the police and he comes back yet a THIRD time. We jump out of the way and the guys are hauling butt to his truck. I don't know what they were gonna do when they got there but they didn't get a chance. By the grace of God there was a Constable around the corner that saw the whole thing. He comes over and arrests Mr. Stalker and takes all our statements. That was a night I never want to relive. I had a 3 year old at this point and to think her mommy might not have been here just kills me. He went to jail and is out now. He calls me all the time. He drives by my apartment. He drives by my mothers house. He gets all my new numbers. I'm writing this tonight because he's been texting me for an hour now from a new phone number. I can't block them quick enough. His first text tonight says "My phone doesn't have service here but that doesn't stop me from loving you." I'm honestly not scared of him. He just really thinks he loves me. It was a REALLY bad night. No, I'll never see him again...if I can help it..or anything. I'm just not scared. He's nuts but I think the jail time made him learn his lesson. Anyways I just wanted to share a real HORROR STORY. Thank you for reading. This happened nearly 3 years ago now so I don't need comforted or anything. Just wanted to share. I hope a girl will learn from my stupid mistakes. I made a lot of them when I was younger. But to add to my saying: trying to run your date over with your truck?!?!

WHO DOES THAT?!

Mr. Bunny Hop

Met a guy off POF. (Hehe. You saw that coming, didn't you..) He was cute. We made plans to go out. He wanted to pick me up so I went to my friend's apartment, Mrs. Plano, for him to do so. (I'm not 100% stupid.) We went to Carson's Live in Addison. I'm starting to think that all the POF single men hang out here. I'm not even sure why. I've been there twice. Both on first dates. It was a lil awkward. Not going as smooth as you'd hope a first date would. We danced and had a few appetizers and a few drinks. He kept ordering beers for me, even though I said I'd had enough. And some shots. Finally, he got up to go to the bathroom and I gave a full beer to someone sitting next to me. I didn't want to waste it but no more means no more. He came back and ordered another round. Feeling guilty I finally said I just can't drink it and let him have it. We danced some more and then decided to call it a night. I offered to drive but he said he was fine. We get back to the apartment and he drunkenly points at me and says "Sit right there, I'll come get your door." So I do. He gets out and going in front of the truck he smiles real big with his slight buck teeth, pulls his hands up in front of him much like a begging dog, and begins to bunny hop in front of the truck and over to get my door. What posses him to bunny hop? I just don't know. He follows me up to the apartment and I try to say goodnight as he tries to shove his tongue down my throat. Finally my friend opens the door and being nice she begins to talk to the dude as he follows me in. Really? It's late by this point. I've had enough. I want to go to bed. He sits in the floor and no one's even talking to him. He stayed for what seemed like forever before he finally got up and left. Maybe he was trying to sober up? I don't know. But you don't get drunk on a first date. And the bunny hop to open the door..

WHO DOES THAT?!

Mr. Shut Yo Mouth

Hello all and I hope you are enjoying reading! I have enjoyed sharing my stories with you. If you have a story you'd like to share, all names WILL be changed, then email it to me at melpooh@sbcglobal.net. I'd love to share it and let everyone re-live it with you.

We're going to call this story Mr. Shut Yo Mouth because Mr. Coworker just won't do. This is a story, of a lovely lady, who had very different idea's of her own. ;o) She meets a coworker and immediately hits it off. They go out once and thoroughly enjoy themselves. They keep in touch and flirt ALL the time. He is more flirtatious outside of work but understandably so. As much as he loves to hang out and just have a good time, he let's me know that "he just doesn't date coworkers while working together. We can have fun but I won't date you." Um, OK, whatever. I'm enjoying the time we flirt and hang out. Well, one night while out with a lady friend from work, I keep getting texts from him wanting to meet up after we're done with our ladies night. We're sending texts back and forth all night when the lady coworker, we'll call her Single Mom Dos, wants to know who I'm texting. At first I play it off because we all three work together and we've been trying to keep it secret so work doesn't get awkward. She finally leans over to my phone and says "Is that Shut Yo Mouth (SYM)? Like SYM from work? Tell him you're hanging out with me (SMD)!" I'm like weird, but okay. So then SYM starts asking about SMD and if she's talking to other guys and such. Um..it's starting to be a bit obvious so I ask SMD "what's going on with you and SYM?" She tries to play it off but it becomes pretty obvious that somethings going on so we start to share stories. Turns out that SYM and SMD had been dating and talking and flirting also. But, they weren't dating exclusively because he told her "I don't date single mom's. We can hang out and flirt, but I won't date a single mom." If you're following along, I am a single mom and a coworker.. as is she. Dirt bag! Also, to make matters MORE complicated, we find out that he had asked me what I was doing for New Years Eve and because I already had plans that he wasn't thrilled about..but definitely keeping his options open...he also asked SMD to do something with him. When he found out that she was too young to do what he wanted, he then proceeded to ask yet ANOTHER coworker to go to Austin with him. All in all, he was dating three coworkers and none of us knew. After two of us yelling at him for being stupid, and trying to warn the third girl of what was going on, the third girl (Miss. Sloppy Thirds) decides that she had too much fun with him in Austin, doesn't care, and continues to date him. I hope they are very happy together! Lying to date three coworkers at the same time...

WHO DOES THAT?!

3-in-1 Mr. Name Game, Mr. Duggar, and Mr. Redneck

My first contributing writer!! I am SO excited to share these stories. There are three in this one post. Thank you, C.You.In.Houston! (Catchy, ain't it? haha)

First Date ever: A guy my sister went to school with. Only met him once or twice. Calls the house and asks me to go his school to see a play. So I go with him and he is introducing me to one of his teachers and calls me Katie!! Katie is a lovely name but it's NOT MY NAME!! I was too shocked to play it off gracefully and I turned to him with a disgusted look on my face and said..that's NOT my name! His response: That's what your sister said your name was!! The poor teacher just backed slowly away from us. How on earth could he call my house, ask for me, and ask me out and not know my name?!? I mean really...

WHO DOES THAT?!?!

Second: Met a guy on myspace...not recommended. He was a good ole southern guy with manners....perhaps too many manners~ We went to dinner and half way through, he gasps, covers his eyes and says "I wasn't looking but...I mean I'm not a pervert, but you have..I swear I wasn't looking! You have something on your shirt!" He continued to keep his head down and his eyes covered like I was flashing him or something. I look down and I had dropped some food on my shirt. Really!? Just tell me I have something on my boob and lets move on!! So after dinner we go to the mall and walk around. Several times he had to walk around me to get out of the way of people coming the opposite direction. And every time he would apologize for walking on the "wrong side of me." I didn't even know I had a wrong side!!! Needless to say his mother must be so proud! Much like the Duggar clan. But besides them/him...

WHO DOES THAT?!

Third: Set up by a friend. We go to dinner and then driving around. We'd been driving around for about an hour and he says that he has to go to the restroom. So he pulls over in a gas station and says, "I don't even know if they have a bathroom here." Looking in the window I see that they do and I try to mention that I see a Restroom sign. So he gets out of the car and walks around the outside of the building. I expect him to come back around so that I could point him INside the building, but it takes him awhile. He finally comes back, gets in the car and says, "There wasn't one, but I went anyway." I might be wrong, but isn't peeing outside usually reserved for like third or fourth dates?? He then proceeds to pull out a can of snuff and start dipping. Was there a sink and some soap around that corner too?? If you aren't camping and on a date...

WHO DOES THAT?!

Mister Afrin

So this story is about a guy that I met on Plentyoffish.com. Do all these stories start out like this? Yes, most of them..

Here we go again! We talk for awhile..mostly email. Great conversation! He makes me laugh like no other. His pictures are so cute. Dark brown hair and the brightest blue eyes you have ever seen. So, of course, I decide to meet him. I get a sitter and get all gussied up. I drive to meet him at his place then we take his car to Carson's Live in Addison. Good times. Drinks. Dancing. Whatever. And let me tell you, this dude is a WINKER! I love me a winker. But, he has a weird addiction. He is, literally, addicted to Nasal Spray. He told me and I thought he was joking. But no, he carried one in his pocket at all times. Had one next to his sink. Had one in the car. Oh man I wish I was lying. He "snorted up" a good 20 times in the few hours we were together. Can you imagine the inside of his poor nose? Or his liver? Lol. He had been addicted for a few years and he can't kick it. That is ridiculous. But even more so...he's not a winker. He has a twitch. He nods and blinks at the same time..all the time. I'd say a small case of turrets syndrome, without the cursing. How do these men find me? Take your Afrin and your winks and nods and go. We don't go together like a wink and a nod. And snorting Afrin allllllll the time??? Really???

WHO DOES THAT?!

Mr. This Ain't No Love Shack

This is a story from a date I had recently. Like not-even-a-week-old-yet recent. We're calling him "Mr. This Ain't No Love SHACK" or TANLS for short.

The date begins by a set up from my friend, Mrs. Plano. I never knew being single was awful, until my married friend posted a singles ad for me. Anyways, I talked to TANLS for a week or two. He immediately got some strikes against him. He would cut me off in mid conversation saying "I'm so sorry but I'll have to call you back. I'll call you right back!" and as I sit by the phone and wait..I get nothing. Then about 2am I get a text of "I just got home." He just wasn't a man of his word, and that bothered me. So we finally set up a date. The food was delicious. We went to a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place. You KNOW it's good food when there are nothing but true Hispanics there. The conversation was going quite well, also. The lunch date ends and he informs me that he needs to go to Radio Shack to pick up a part for work. No worries. I'm down. Let's GO! So we're there and Radio Shack is just having some issues. We're standing in line and there are two, obviously irritated, people at the desk trying to check out and get their problems solved. There was also two people in line ahead of us. So we're standing there talking and he decides that he needs to lighten up the situation, I suppose. He yells up to the front desk "Hey! Are y'all hiring by any chance?" The butch-like woman...I think she was a woman...yells back "Yea, we are actually." He, wearing his work clothes that were SO not attractive (speedo-like long sleeve undershirt, too tight t-shirt, and some dressy shorts that the 80s called back home because they were SOOOooo short), points to the logo on his shirt and says "I've actually already have a job..I was just wondering." Well, if that's not awkward. Then he wants to start talking to the other people in line. That would be cool if his comments weren't...um...nuts. He said "What are we doing? Standing in line at a funeral? You are both standing there looking morbid." They look at me and I just wanna be like I JUST MET HIM! Don't judge meeee! Haha. It's now been about 15 minutes of comments like this when it becomes my turn for the humiliation. He looks at me and I'm just standing there. Arms are comfortably folded in a criss-cross fashion. I switch my weight from one foot to the other. Just trying to make it through Radio Shack with Mr. TANLS. He says, very loudly, "What's wrong? You need to go to the bathroom? Why don't you just pee on the floor?" The manager, who is 5 people away says, just as loudly, "Ma'am if you need to use the restroom is right back over there." (Pointing to a corner) I look up and say "I'm fine. Thanks." And look away trying to take the attention off of me. So Mr. TANLS says aloud "No, she just prefers to pee on the floor, thanks." Why me!? I never even mentioned the word "potty". Why would he say this to me? The date finally ends and he tries to call and text me. I just informed him that I was completely embarrassed and didn't feel that was first date material. He proceeds to inform me that I am just too uptight..and that he was NOT another first date horror story. Oh yea...you wanna bet?! Because really...

WHO DOES THAT?!